Psalm 127:3

"Children are a gift from the LORD; 

They are a reward from Him."
Psalm 127:3

Alright, it's story time. Let me tell you how awesome our God is and how perfect His timing is- seriously SO much better than our own. Before sharing some things from this last year with you, I have to share the verses I've gone back to several times. Romans 8:26-30...

"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified."

LAST November, Ben and I found out that, for the first time, we were going to be parents. We were overjoyed! At the time we found out, I was only about 3-4 weeks along. Being the week of Thanksgiving, we thought it the perfect time to share the news with our families and friends. It truly was a time to be thankful! Everyone was so happy for us and for the blessing that God had given. After all, we know that God is the giver of life- the only One with the power and authority to grant the air to breath.

Only a few weeks later, the unthinkable and absolute worst thing happened. The tiny baby passed. Why would this happen? How could God allow something to occur? The feelings and emotions were so overwhelming and, because everyone knew, embarrassing. (However, for me emotionally it was better that our family knew because they were so comforting and loving during this time) For the first time in my life, I lost someone (yes, someone, because that 6 week old little baby was a life) close to me. In the midst of it all, I felt like a failure- like it was my fault the baby died. (This last part, friends, was far from the truth, and I know that now.)

Why do bad things happen to people? Why did God allow this to happen?

These questions I pondered day in and day out. I don't know if I can fully answer those questions, but what I do know is that God is STILL good and He will never ever fail me, no matter how painful the situation.

"The LORD will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." 

Isaiah 58:11

I know that the world God created was perfect and without sin, until we fell short and sinned against Him. I know that now sin and evil are present in this world. I know that I am a sinner. Despite that, God comforted me and loved me in the midst of tragedy. And even though I may not understand exactly WHY that baby died, I know that because of that horrible event in my life, God continually draws me closer to Him. The Holy Spirit helped me in this time of weakness because I didn't know how to pray or, at times, what to say to God. There were so many moments when the song In Christ Alone would get stuck in my head or would come on the radio. Every single time the same part of the song would jump out at me and bring tears to my eyes: "From life's first cry to final breath, JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY." And, ladies who read this, if you have gone through something like this before, I hope that you feel Jesus' loving arms through those words. Jesus went through the worst pain imaginable, and conquered it and loved us throughout the whole thing...and HE is the One who commands your destiny. (There is more about this and so much more in John 3)

There is peace knowing that that baby is resting in the arms of Jesus in a place with NO sin and NO evil...a perfect place, and maybe one day I will get to meet him/her.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Yes, ALL things He does work together for good to those who love Him. Was the event of losing that life necessarily a good thing? No, not really. But God made it good by growing Ben and I closer to Him, making us stronger, AND...

...giving another LIFE in HIS PERFECT TIME. God is omniscient. He knows my past, my present, and my future...and that is comforting, and really draws a desire to trust Him all the more.

Ben and I are so excited to meet our little one in April of next year. I am constantly reminded that God is the giver of this life and already knows the entire life of Baby S! How awesome is that!!

As of right now, I'm getting ready to enter week 16 of pregnancy. Like any other mommy-to-be, I have a few (okay more like 7-8) baby apps downloaded on my phone, and check them every day to see the development of Baby S. The excitedness grows more and more every single day. Is it possible to love someone SO MUCH whom you've only seen in an ultrasound?? I started feeling little flutters too, which just makes it a tad bit more real what is happening in my body. :) So overjoyed.

Here are a few more of the ultrasound pics from our last doctor visit... Baby S flipped all the way over!! Definitely saying "hey mom and dad look at me!!" haha... Hopefully at our next ultrasound we'll get to find out the gender?! We'll see and will update!! :)    

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You."
Psalm 139:13-18